Going on fourteen .
May tenth .
The doctors stuck
this IV needle into
my left hand and
pumped my veins with
life saving substances .
They knocked me out
stuck a needle in my back
and I woke up with this scar .
Three years later
pills still
sticking in my throat
still
exploding upon impact with
stomach acid .
Three years later I
still don't know why ,
why .
why me , why this , why then ,
what now what do I do .
Three years later
I
still can't tell you where
these three years have gone .
Between pills and
needles
and
not recognizing my
reflection who
I saw in the mirror I
changed
from the outside in
or maybe it was
the other way around
inside out
like a sweater once worn that
you forget to put
in the laundry and
it gets lost somewhere
among those other threads and fabrics
woven together overlapping
thrown on the floor and
maybe kicked into the closet or
under the bed or something
long forgotten .
In my self evolution my
self realization and
self evaluation self reflection I
finally realize it's not about me .
I got sick but so what .
Ten days in the hospital ...
but I have insurance and
suddenly I have these pills and
these needles that
keep me alive .
And so although they may get
stuck in my throat sometimes that's nothing
compared with the
genocide and
global warming the
corrupt government and the
starving children ...
Three years later they may
get stuck in my throat but
at least I can wash it down with
a sip of water , or something .
So I say baby it's fair ,
cuz even though life is unfair I've
fared
well
that's for sure .
Cuz in my American upper-class
I think I can handle
sticking pills in my throat and
needles sticking
skin , in
the inside of my elbow .
I don't know what my future holds or
if you'll be around and
if you'll be there for me or
how many pills I will have to swallow tomorrow or
next week or
three years from now .
But I do know that
though life isn't fair
I've
certainly fared
well .
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